Friday, October 26, 2012

Fortuitous Friday: Where's My Towel?

My Great-Grandfather used to box. He fought under the nom-de-plume of "Tiger Smith" but not the Tiger Smith that comes up when you Google it. Having only fought 6 professional matches, and all of them local (ie in the middle of no-where) he never achieved, shall we say, any fame as a boxer. He did it during the depression for some much needed cash, and added it to his long list of odd-jobs that he, and many like him, did to survive those terrible years. I still remember his boxing gloves as they were a favorite feature during the family's Sunday lunch with my father, uncle, and Great-Grandfather all letting me have a go at them.

Visiting with my Great-grandparents on their farm featured regularly in my life even after the family as a whole imploded and the Sunday lunch tradition ceased. My Great-Gradfather's passion for boxing (among other things) infected me, and it remains one of the only sports I truly enjoy and make an effort to watch. The title of the post, then, is a reference to the practice of a corner throwing a towel into the ring when they feel their boxer is in danger and a win is unlikely. Unfortunately that rarely happens these days as the professional side of the sport, as a whole, has gone quite down-hill and too many lads get beaten for too long in the name of entertainment or money...but of course I digress.

I've been thinking about throwing in the towel here at the 'ole blog. Although I am a bit pressed for time these days (even though I'm home full-time with New Mouth To Feed) it isn't about the time, really. I simply wonder what it is I still have to say about games that's worth posting. I've never pretended to be any kind of actual review-based blog, as plenty of professionals do that much better than I ever could. Of late a few of my regular reads have vanished (32nd Law), taken a bit of break (Don't Mention Ze War, quit due to real life issues (Cool Story Sis), or mysteriously disappeared (Melmoth from Kiasa). Blogging is a funny business in that it's not a business at all, and the joy of it is what keeps us going. It's what makes blogs so great, in my opinion, but when that joy is gone, or life interferes, then the blog will (necessarily) suffer.

Maybe I'm having an existential blogging crisis. I've been at it just under two years now and while I long-ago stopped caring about 'page counts' I note that there seem to be a few regulars who check in, and a few more who stop by from Google searches. I would, by my own standards, consider my blogging successful in that I have enjoyed it, and others seem to have as well.

The idea of me 'succeeding' is one that pervades my entire life, and while it is often to be credited for helping me along, it can also be a burden. I understand that this drive to succeed is rooted in a childhood that wasn't that great, and while I long ago made peace with my upbringing (or at least came to understand it) some things are hard, if not impossible, to shake. Success, you see, meant that I personally wasn't a failure, that those things that went on around me, and that as a child I was helpless to control, were not my fault: See, there's nothing wrong with me, I'm successful!

No one can be good at everything  no matter how hard they try, or how much they want it, so at times that drive can be a heavy burden to bear. It can set you up for a lot of failures and disappointment which is the one thing that you don't want if you are trying to prove you are not a failure, or a disappointment. You see how this goes? Vicious cycle and all that.

And what's this have to do with blogging and/or games you wonder. I don't know- not much I guess. I'm just a bit tired at the moment and have suffered a series of set-backs culminating with the death of every loach in my precious loach tank. Never mind the irony of only my loaches dying (in the loach tank) that kind of catastrophic failure is quite difficult for someone with my personality type to accept. It's made all the worse by the knowledge that it is entirely my fault and could have been prevented. One small mistake, and that's it.

In any case if you've read this far I will assume you are one of the few who stop by somewhat regularly and say thanks for reading what I have to say. I don't think I'll be quitting the blogging business just yet (can't face failing as a blogger ;) but I do need a bit of a break, so for now I'll make no promises (or threats) about the future and say that I'll talk to you later.


  1. As you know my posting has gone down for much the same reasons. However, occasionally a subject comes up that I feel a great need to pontificate about, and it is a very handy thing indeed to have a blog and an audience right there for me to blather too.

    So all I need to do is come up with a few posts per month to keep the general audience happy. If you get rid of the blog then you close this door, a door which as you know takes quite a while to build up.

  2. Hiatus it is.

    The whole game blogging business seems like the Hotel California to me - "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave!" I always come back to it even after suddenly disappearing for a time.

    Been blogging off and on since 2003. I hope it stays a habit for me. This doesn't mean I achieve the desired goal of 1 post a day, but I'm sticking with it.

    Whatever you do, stay happy and sane.

  3. Perhaps you're just ...changing, internally shifting. I know it's obvious to say this but New Mouth to Feeds are a big deal for most of us. I'll miss you if you aren't here though, so I selfishly hope you keep a toe in your blog. All the best to you and yours and

    huggies !!

  4. Thanks for the support all. I'll likely be back at it soon enough..... I just can't seem to keep my big mouth shut most times so giving up likely won't happen ;)