Tuesday, November 1, 2011

No Halloween For You!

Imagine that post title in the voice of the 'Soup Nazi' from the Jerry Seinfeld television series- it'll sound cooler.

This year for Halloween I hid. That's right, I hid. I'm not amused by the neighborhood children running amok, begging for candy in costumes bought or made by their parents. A bit grinchy (albeit a Haloween version) I admit, but come on. Who invented this stupid 'holiday'? Same jerks who came up with the gift-giving version of Christmas we now sale-a-brate I'm guessing.

As for adult costuming, I get it. It's fun, or so it's meant to be. When else can you stroll down the street looking like you're about to commit a sexual assault, or a bank robbery and not get accosted by the police (who are likely not real police anyway)? Sure, throw a mask on, hit the bars, and drink because you feel you need an excuse to do so. Me? I just drink. No excuse needed.

So She Who Will Be Named Later, who led this years anti-Halloween Lobby claimed: 'It's a stupid holiday and it's not in my culture. I'm not doing it,' and Halloween was abolished in our house. Just like that. Nice one!

We grabbed the dogs, our dinners, and settled in front of BBC I-Player and The Fades while the rest of the house was left dark and, hopefully, unwelcoming. I would check the streets every hour or so to make sure the coast was clear, and dash out with the dogs to let them use the bathroom. I'd hurry them back in and we'd retreat to the "Bunker" the back of the house where I had set up their beds and some cozy blankets on the floor (which, I admit, I bullied The Duchess of Dumb out of to lie on so maybe not a great night for her).

Overall rresult? Success! Huzzah! Not a single visitor. Now I need a plan to ignore Christmas and I'm all set.

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