Monday, November 28, 2011

I Swear My Dog Ate It!

Last year at around this time my dog ate the Christmas cake (full of yummy brandy) and since then we have been very careful about leaving food where he can get it. The plastic bin in which we keep the dogs' food has been relocated to the basement, secure behind not one, but two door. Multiple near-break-ins has meant we've had to replace the lid twice before getting smart and moving it completely. The basement move was promted by the fact the spare room in which the food was previously kept seemed to be less-than-impervious to their combined wit and/or might.

That same room was the recent storage area for a few gifts sent from She Who Will Be Named Later's folks from jolly 'ole Wales. I basically get the same thing every year, which is fine by me, and what this means of course, is that I won't be getting the food-based items as this afternoon the dogs broke in. After a panicky call to the vet to ensure chocolate toxicity wasn't imminent I now have to update the list of things that my dog has eaten to include a half bar of 46% chocolate (from Lidl) and 48 Jaffa Cakes.


The real victim here is She Who Will Be Named Later who has been dying for a Jaffa Cake for over a year now.

Reconstructing the crime scene (like an episode of CSI: Canine) it appears the puppy helped in the eating of the Jaffa Cakes (and a sock which was still, half-eaten, in her bed) but I'm adding it all to his list as I know he was the ring-leader in all this.

1. A plastic bag.
2. A dead pigeon (swallowed whole, with feathers) off the road.
3. The same dead pigeon, off the same road, seconds after he regurgitated it.
4. An entire raw pheasant meant for Christmas dinner.
5. One pound of butter, foil included.
6. Ibid, separate occasion.
7. Own faeces following consumption of butter, above.
8. Butter and most of a plastic container, separate occasion.
9. Human faeces encountered in woods on walk (thank you Travellers).
10. Ibid, different woods.
11. 7kg bag dog food (partial).
12. Mouldy loaves of bread thrown on beach for gulls.
13. Perfectly good loaves of bread taken from counter.
14. Human vomit, sidewalk outside pub.
15. Bird food, fallen from feeder in yard.
16. Cat food, unguarded, while visiting family.
17. Mouldy bones in yard buried by previous dog the summer before.
18. 15kg bag, dog food (partial).
19. Plastic lid (partial) off garbage can.
20. Chicken carcass (entire) from garbage can, above.
21. Christmas Cake (documented here).
22. 48 Jaffa Cakes.
23. Half Bar, JD Grossman 46% Chocolate.

No comments:

Post a Comment