Thursday, March 3, 2011

Trion: Player Queues Are Closing Rifts

Trion: Player Queues Are Closing Rifts
Gulls May Pose Solution
In an ironic  turn of events, the newly released Massive Multiplayer Online game RIFT has announced that the massive queues of players waiting to log in to play are actually killing the virtual world that they are longing to be a part of.

Lead developers were not available for comment to thegankian, but Random Employee #52 said that this latest development, which could cause in-game play to come to a crashing halt, “Was totally unexpected.” We managed to talk with RE #52 by telephone and here is what he had to say:

Ya, well, what can we say? You know, um, we try to plan for every eventuality but, uh, a lot of new games have some glitches on launch day, that’s for sure. We had expected a lot of interest in the game based on the participation of players in the Beta events and the number of pre-orders that we, uh, that we knew about, but this was, of course, totally unexpected.

So it seems, then, that, uh, the sheer number of players who are queuing to log into the servers, is, in fact growing. And by growing, we mean that they are actually growing into large, amorphous mounds of virtual players. These mounds, or Queudumps as we are calling them, are getting so high that they are starting to literally squeeze the boundaries of the virtual world, which is causing, the, ah, is plugging the rifts. That is, obviously, affecting the game-play of those inside.
Rifts, as I’m sure you are aware, form an extremely important aspect of the dynamic in-game content. The players who have managed to, uh, to get inside the game are starting to find less and less rifts which makes rifting a bit, well, boring. This of course, is going to be a massive problem and I want to assure all our players, uh, and those who are considering purchasing RIFT, that we have a, we just have a great team here and we will be, doing everything we can. Our efforts will be primarily, at first, to, to convince players to re-cycle their queue time and use the, um, blue bins we have provided for that.
Secondly, we will, uh, be sending virtual hotdog carts into the North American servers to show, uh, to show that we understand the frustration of those who are, in fact, waiting patiently for the rifts to open, and that we, of course appreciate that.

For the European Servers we will be, generally speaking, trying to accommodate a variety of, um, tastes and plan, to offer fish n’ chips, kebabs, and for our English, players, of course, curry takeaways. Unfortunately for the Scottish players we won’t, uh, can’t offer those items deep fried at this time. We will have white bins for the rubbish so there is no worry about litter spoiling the beauty of our virtual world, though the Irish players, we expect, um, likely won’t take heed of that at all.

Finally we will have our Polish contractors come in and shore up the virtual world to assist in handling the pressure. We are confident that they will be done in no time, and their price was extremely reasonable so we won’t have to increase subscription fee or anything like that to, uh, to recover our costs.

For those who are queuing we want to say, just, ah, first of all, thanks very much for joining us, and um, giving us your money, and just, be a bit patient. We, uh, that is to say, please don’t log off and come back later. It may seem like the sensible thing to do, but we anticipate the pressure on the rifts will ease very soon, and the Queudumps will recede through our recycling efforts, and the, natural work of gulls which have flown inland to take advantage of the, uh, unexpected new food source.

This is an unprecedented development and one that will surely be talked about in the MMO world for some time to come. The initial rush to a new game, followed by its inevitable collapse, is par for the course in this industry, but this is the first time a virtual queue of players has managed to breach the virtual-space continuum and have an actual affect on in-game play. Other game developers will be watching this one closely to see how this situation plays out.

Representatives of Mythic, producers of Warhammer Online, offered to temporarily take over for Trion Worlds and stated: “We are confident that if we were managing RIFT we could have the number of people wanting to play down to around 20,000 in no time, thereby relieving the pressure on the virtual world and providing those too stubborn to unsubscribe with a large, empty world with which to play in peace and quiet.”

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