Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Pundits: thegankian Simply a Cheap Ploy For Attention

Pundits: thegankian Simply a Cheap Ploy For Attention
Mother Likely Deprived Author of Love

Pundits in the blogging world, and in the MMO community as a whole, are upset with the launch of the new cyber-space broadsheet thegankian, calling it a “cheap ploy for attention” and stating that the facts were “at best distorted”. 

In its inaugural report thegankian suggested that the new game RIFT was having difficulties coping with the influx of players, and went on to say that this was having an impact on in-game performance. This article received little attention until is was picked up by the associated press and distributed to news agencies around the globe. The resulting public uproar has led to statements against the paper by both the gaming industry, and politicians alike.

Trion Worlds, RIFT
“Well, yes, we try to take these things in good humour. With the massive initial success of our game- did I mention it was a massive success- we expected a lot of attention but to be fair, this went a little far. The Scots are an angry enough people and that article simply made it worse. We had a good number of emails from the Scottish players and we had to promise to incorporate some kind of deep-fried, beer-battered, loot-drop into the Rift reward systems to placate them. In addition we had an a massive influx of inquiries from Polish contractors looking for work, and as an American-based company, those jobs, of course, are already filled with people from Honduras.”

Mythic, Warhammer Online
“We have seen the article and want to assure our loyal subscribers that we do, in fact, have a response. We plan on revealing exactly what this very soon. Our plans are to respond, one word at a time, in a series of producer’s letters that will be available for purchase in our store shortly. We don’t want to say too much, at this point, but we really do have a good strategy to deal with this unfair attack- honest.”

Nick Griffin, The BNP
“It’s shameless, really- the lowest form of humour. To make fun of the Scottish people because they enjoy their food deep fried is, quite simply, racist.”

Gerry Adams, Sinn Fein
“To suggest that the Irish are a nation of litter bugs is to slander the moral fabric of our very society. I assure you that if we, as a free and independent people, could be trusted to have rubbish bins in our major urban centres we would, in all likelihood, choose to use them. We all know what this is really about, and it shouldn’t be necessary for me to point out that he is, in fact, sharing his bed with a citizen of the British Empire. Make of that what you will, but, in so far as the I.R.A- I mean Sinn Fein- is concerned, this makes him no friend of the Irish people.”

Vladimir Putin, Prime Minister, Russia
“The article was in bad taste, and I am pleased that the Russian media has chosen, of their own free will I assure you, not to publish it, or give it any consideration what-so-ever.”

Lisa Jackson, EPA

“I want to ensure the American people that the Environmental Protection Agency takes any threat against our environmental security very seriously. This administration is committed to protecting this country’s air, water, and land- even if it is virtual air, water, and land. We will be establishing an oversight committee to look into the issue of Quedumps but I want to say that this report did seem to contain s several factual errors and any Ornithologist will tell you that gulls just simply don’t go that far inland.”

Konrad Kujau, Author
I have serious doubts as to the authenticity of that report.

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